


Letting Go & Holding On

by Jay513 (orphan_account)



Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: Angst, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, M/M, Post 2x18 All IN
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-16
Updated: 2013-03-16
Packaged: 2017-12-05 11:09:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/722571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Jay513
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John thinks giving up Harold is the right thing to do. Harold decides it isn't. No sex but it's implied...let your mind wander. (Cause I haven't tried writing where my mind wanders)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Letting Go & Holding On

**Author's Note:**

> No one beta-ed this so any mistakes are all my own doing.

 

 

Letting Go & Holding On

 Harold sat staring at the monitor, having lost track of time, until Bear whined, muzzling at Harold’s elbow.  A green tennis ball was lying on the desk next to his idle left hand.  “John not throwing this for you anymore Bear?”

It was then Harold noticed the utter silence permeating from within the library’s book lined shelves “Mr. Reese”, Harold called out. The only answer in the stillness was the sound of Bear’s claws ticking on the floor as the dog excitedly waited for the man to throw the tennis ball.  

It was then Harold realized he had been so lost in his thoughts about Grace that he hadn’t even noticed John had left or if he had even said goodbye. All he could do was put his forehead into his hands when realization came to him how much it must have hurt John to have been completely shut out again.

When Bear nudged him again, Harold looked through his hands at the dog and said okay just give me a moment. He slowly lowered both hands from his face while reaching for the ball with his right. It was then that Harold noticed a folded piece of paper, with Harold written on the front, propped next to one of the monitors. He tossed the ball down one of the book lined aisles and reached for the paper with shaking hands. His gut was telling him this couldn’t be good. He never even noticed when John had placed it there.

**Harold,**

**I was ready to just walk out without a word, but I just couldn’t do it. I am so sorry I can’t stay around long enough to help you find my replacement and yours. Find Shaw perhaps, she can handle herself, to replace me. Leon is good with computers, not anywhere near your capability, but good, to replace you. I know you say you can’t go back to your life with Grace, but I know how much she means to you. It’s killing me to do this, I know how much I love you, but I love you enough to let you go. You need to take Grace, disappear with her and grow old together. You deserve it. **

**I meant it when I told you that this job, your love made me happy. You saved my life; I really would be dead now if not for you. I promise you wherever I end up, I will not waste my life ever again. Do the same for me, please? I know helping the numbers is not a waste of your life, but you owe it to yourself to be happy too. I stood behind you for the longest time, seeing you and Grace together in that picture. This is me repaying my debt to you. Go, be with her. Be that man in the picture again.**

**I love you more than life itself,**

**John**

**p.s. take good care of Bear he really loves you too.**

Harold slowly refolded the letter. “Oh God, what have I done?” Bear was again standing at the desk, looking at the ball on the desk, then at Harold. “No Bear get your leash! We need to find John.” As man and dog left the library, Harold offered up a silent prayer that he wouldn’t be too late. John would still be at the loft. John knew Harold and TM well enough how to hide and never be found again.

Finch drove as fast as he could without attracting the attention of some well-meaning traffic cop. He had to get the loft. He had to get to Reese. Pulling up to the apartment building on Baxter Street, Harold let go the breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding. The lights were still on. “Please John still be in there please” was the plea he offered up in his mind.

When Harold made it upstairs, he didn’t think John would open the door for him. He silently let himself and the dog in with his own key to the apartment. John was looking out the window into the New York night. When he felt Harold’s presence in the room he spoke without turning around. I knew you couldn’t stay away but God help me I still prayed that you wouldn’t. I was all packed and ready to walk out but I just couldn’t do it. "What am I supposed to do?”

“John, please, will you turn around and look at me?” When he did Harold asked pleadingly, “Do you see what to do now?” Harold let all the emotions he was feeling show in his face, eyes glistening with unshed tears. “I am so sorry John; I didn’t mean to shut you out. Yes I still love Grace, I always will. But you are the one I want to be with. The machine, our mission and you are my life now. Without them I have no life. Without you in my life I don’t want to live. I went to that roof top to save you or die with you. Don’t you know? I can’t live without you.”

“I was thinking about Grace, I admit, but I wasn’t regretting leaving her. I was just wishing for her to find someone else to love again like I have. The only thing I regret is my choice of words earlier. I will always watch over her. I owe her that much. I can’t go back to my old life; the lies would eventually destroy any chance we have of being happy together. The life we had wasn’t real. I couldn’t tell her the truth about my life then. I can’t go back now and pretend I only love her. I can’t.”

“Please forgive me John, please don’t leave. I’ll even beg you if I have to.” At that John crossed the room and embraced Harold. “No, God no, I am not going anywhere. I thought I could leave, let you go, but even I am not that strong. I would have broken my promise with in the week, probably be dead in a year. I can’t live without you either.”

Harold returned John’s embrace as if he’d never let the man go, ever. He raised his head to return John’s kiss with a passion he never felt before. “Love me John; make me yours now…please?”

They may not grow old with the one the one they love; but they will love a lifetime’s worth; while they can…..

****

**Author's Note:**

> My first fiction I just had to write my take on the expression on both their faces at the end of the episode.  
> Kudos if you like helpful criticism welcome...no need to tell me I stink I already know that


End file.
